As a Catholic, prayer is a vital part of my life, something I use to keep me connected to God at every moment. It’s my direct line to God, where I can ask Him to help me with whatever I have going on at that time. Sometimes it’s little things:
“Please help me not to miss this train.”
“Please help me to do well in this assignment.”
With little prayers like these, God’s response is often clear. These things either happen or they don’t.
But often, I’m asking (or sometimes begging) God to do much bigger things, or things that might need an almost miraculous response…
“Please help my friend get a job.”
“Please take away this person’s suffering.”
…and the responses God gives to these can be so much more unclear and even confusing at times.
I was recently at the Catholic Student Conference in Birmingham, and as part of the conference, we had an event called ‘Nightfever’. This involves going out into the city centre at night and inviting random people (literally anyone you happen to come across) into a church to light a candle. In the church, Jesus, present in the Eucharist, is placed on the altar, and the only light in the building comes from the candles that are lit. Throughout the night, music is played softly, creating a prayerful and welcoming atmosphere. It aims to show people an image of the Catholic Church they might not have experienced before, inviting them to come face-to-face with Jesus.
The idea is very straightforward, and after hearing so many people rave about other ‘Nightfever’ events they’d attended, I’d been looking forward to it all weekend.
I didn’t expect it to be so challenging.
We split into pairs, and I paired with one of my good friends. We set off, and watched people walk past us. Every time we got near someone, we couldn’t bring ourselves to stop them and talk.
All I had to do was ask them if they wanted to come to the church with us and light a candle.
But I was embarrassed. I felt awkward and didn’t know what to say. We kept stopping and praying, asking God to help us.
Eventually, I was able to beat my fears, and we were able to talk to a few people. We didn’t manage to get anyone to light a candle, but I don’t think that was God’s plan. I think God wanted me to realise something important about myself. I would never have described myself as a proud person, but that night I did let my pride get the better of me. I was too worried about what people would think of me, that they’d laugh at us, that they’d say no. And I let these worries stop me from inviting people to have an encounter with Jesus.
As I later thought back over that night, I realised that my pride can often get in the way of me doing things I want. I worry too much about my reputation, about what other people will think about me. I hate admitting my weaknesses. So yes, I think I can be too proud.
Since then, I’ve been praying for God to help me be more humble.
Until today, I felt like God hadn’t answered my prayer. But something happened this morning, and God spoke to me in a very unexpected way, a way that made me laugh. I smashed my hair straighteners this morning.
It probably sounds completely ridiculous, that I think this is God speaking to me. But I was so gutted, and it is through the ridiculous that God spoke sense.
I have another pair at home that I can bring back to Liverpool later this week. So it wasn’t even a big deal. But in my head, it felt like some huge crisis. After recovering from the initial shock that yes, straighteners can smash, my first thought was: “I’ll have to go to uni with frizzy hair this week”. It’s not like I’ve never been to uni with frizzy hair before. When I’m at home, I rarely straighten my hair.
After I’d picked up the pieces (quite literally!), I had to laugh. For the last few weeks, I’ve been praying for humility. And God just said to me: “Here you go, Anna! Here it is.”
I don’t know how I expected God to answer my prayer. I didn’t ask to smash my straighteners.
But God has a sense of humour, and this is how He responded to my prayer! He answered in the most random and unexpected way, the way that made me laugh and wake up to the truth I needed to realise.
I’m not just sharing this because it’s a funny story. This is a reminder to me as much as anyone else – God always answers our prayers. Maybe not immediately, with a flash of lightning or lightbulb moment, and maybe not in the ways we expect. But He always answers.
I obviously shouldn’t care what other people think about me. I shouldn’t be wanting to be ‘perfect’. I reckon nobody actually cares (or even notices) whether my hair is straightened or left natural. These are my own struggles, my battles against my pride. But I need to remember that I don’t need this validation from other people, my worth comes from being a child of God.
At Mass this morning, the priest talked about worthiness, how we have a tendency, as part of our human nature, to always feel unworthy of God’s love. But as the priest reminded us, Jesus would never have come down to Earth, let alone died for our sins, if we were unworthy of His love. His death is enough, we don’t need human justification.
And so, this week, as I try to not care about my lack of straighteners, I’m going to try and remember this:
I don’t need to be perfect. God the Father sent Jesus, his only Son, to suffer and die for me. And God doesn’t care whether my hair is natural or not, He loves me just as I am.
I find it incredible how even now, God does something seemingly trivial and almost ridiculous (letting me smash my hair straighteners) to make me laugh at myself and recognise my skewed priorities. To remind me that He is enough, and nothing I can do will change that.
Faith is an adventure, and God’s ability to make us laugh at ourselves keep us grounded and focused on Him, instead of the world.
You’ve got to love a divine reality check!
Anna's Adventures 